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puppetmurder) wrote2020-12-13 06:49 pm
puppetmurder) wrote2020-12-13 06:49 pm
Dandy's Script
NIGHT - NEAR ADAM'S HOME
POLICEMAN 1
Think it's in there?
POLICEMAN 2
All right. Let's get it!
POLICEMAN 1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
thing can do to you?
POLICEMAN 3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
bread.
Adam sneaks up behind them and laughs.
ADAM:
Yes, well, actually, that would be a
troll. Now, vampires, oh they're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin.
POLICEMEN:
No!
ADAM:
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
quite good on toast.
POLICEMAN 1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(aims his gun at Adam.)
Adam calmly runs behind him with his vampire speed. The
men shrink back away from him. Adam roars very loudly and long
and darkness descends all around them.
ADAM:
This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks
up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted -
Monsters."(He sighs and
throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY:
There is a line of monsters. The head of the guard
sits at a table paying people for bringing the monsters
to him. There are cages all around.
POLICEMAN 2:
All right. This one's full. Take it
away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
POLICEMAN 1:
Next!
POLICEMAN 3:
(taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
Your flying days are over. (breaks the
broom in half)
POLICEMAN 1:
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
Next!
POLICEMAN 2:
Get up! Come on!
POLICEMAN 1:
Twenty pieces.
A POOKA:
(crying) This cage is too small.
DOROTHY:
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
bark again. I can change. Please!
Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, shut up. (jerks her leash)
DOROTHY:
Oh!
POLICEMAN 1:
Next! What have you got?
OLD MAN:
A little faerie.
PINOCCHIO:
I'm not a faerie. I'm a real human. (his
wings wither)
POLICEMAN 1:
Five solars for the overgrown bug.
Take it away.
FAERIE:
No, please! Don't let them do this!
Help me!
OLD MAN takes the money and walks off. OLD WOMAN steps up
to the table.
POLICEMAN 1:
Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN:
Well, I've got a werewolf.
POLICEMAN 1:
Right. Well, that's good for ten solars,
if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, go ahead, little girl.
Dorothy just looks up at her.
POLICEMAN 1:
Well?
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, oh, she's just...she's just a little
nervous. She's really quite the wolf.
Transform, you boneheaded dolt...
POLICEMAN 1:
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN:
No, no, she barks! She does. (pretends
to be Dorothy) I'm a dog. I love to
bark. I'm the barkingest damn thing
you ever saw. Woof woof!
HEAD GUARD:
Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN:
No, no! I swear! Oh! She's a werewolf!
The policemen grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
of her legs flies out and kicks the another faerie out of a man's
hands, and her cage drops on Dorothy's head. She gets sprinkled
with fairy dust and she's able to fly.
DOROTHY:
Hey! I can fly!
POLICEMAN 1
Think it's in there?
POLICEMAN 2
All right. Let's get it!
POLICEMAN 1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
thing can do to you?
POLICEMAN 3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
bread.
Adam sneaks up behind them and laughs.
ADAM:
Yes, well, actually, that would be a
troll. Now, vampires, oh they're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin.
POLICEMEN:
No!
ADAM:
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
quite good on toast.
POLICEMAN 1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(aims his gun at Adam.)
Adam calmly runs behind him with his vampire speed. The
men shrink back away from him. Adam roars very loudly and long
and darkness descends all around them.
ADAM:
This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks
up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted -
Monsters."(He sighs and
throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY:
There is a line of monsters. The head of the guard
sits at a table paying people for bringing the monsters
to him. There are cages all around.
POLICEMAN 2:
All right. This one's full. Take it
away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
POLICEMAN 1:
Next!
POLICEMAN 3:
(taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
Your flying days are over. (breaks the
broom in half)
POLICEMAN 1:
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
Next!
POLICEMAN 2:
Get up! Come on!
POLICEMAN 1:
Twenty pieces.
A POOKA:
(crying) This cage is too small.
DOROTHY:
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
bark again. I can change. Please!
Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, shut up. (jerks her leash)
DOROTHY:
Oh!
POLICEMAN 1:
Next! What have you got?
OLD MAN:
A little faerie.
PINOCCHIO:
I'm not a faerie. I'm a real human. (his
wings wither)
POLICEMAN 1:
Five solars for the overgrown bug.
Take it away.
FAERIE:
No, please! Don't let them do this!
Help me!
OLD MAN takes the money and walks off. OLD WOMAN steps up
to the table.
POLICEMAN 1:
Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN:
Well, I've got a werewolf.
POLICEMAN 1:
Right. Well, that's good for ten solars,
if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, go ahead, little girl.
Dorothy just looks up at her.
POLICEMAN 1:
Well?
OLD WOMAN:
Oh, oh, she's just...she's just a little
nervous. She's really quite the wolf.
Transform, you boneheaded dolt...
POLICEMAN 1:
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN:
No, no, she barks! She does. (pretends
to be Dorothy) I'm a dog. I love to
bark. I'm the barkingest damn thing
you ever saw. Woof woof!
HEAD GUARD:
Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN:
No, no! I swear! Oh! She's a werewolf!
The policemen grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
of her legs flies out and kicks the another faerie out of a man's
hands, and her cage drops on Dorothy's head. She gets sprinkled
with fairy dust and she's able to fly.
DOROTHY:
Hey! I can fly!